i had two seperate dreams last night in which both my cat and my dad died. i hated it because those are two of my favorite living things and about the only things i’d actually be sad losing. and then for the rest of the day i always have this sense of mourning lingering around after i have dreams like that. i know they’re not dead i can see that but my dream made me feel like they were and it was too close and too real to just shake off. i really hate it.

i wish i could sleep without dreaming because i always wake up feeling like i’ve spent the entire night watching shitty tv or something and i never feel rested just feel like i’ve been awake for the past 21 years.

and now i’m just pissed off and restless, anxious or something fuck off.